The hard parts

I haven't posted here in a bit because I've been busy - really busy - trying not to lose my mind.

I have a little boy, and he is wonderful. Outgoing, funny, sharp. I have not the slightest idea where he gets some of his super endearing personality quirks, but they are what makes him who he is and I absolutely love them, and him. But he is also three. And defiant, unpredictable, and willful. Unfortunately, I know exactly where he gets those traits. He has as hard a time handling setbacks in stride as his daddy and I both do.

I had been told by wiser mothers who had been through this before that the terrible twos all too often have nothing on the threes. But we're on the backside of three and a half and it almost seems to be getting worse instead of better. I have tried to do and be everything that might help him exhibit more appropriate behavior and handle his frustrations more constructively. We give him clear and consistent rules and boundaries. I aim for positive reinforcement, and try to say "yes" more than "no." We give him space to work out his fits when he just needs to scream and shout for awhile. We try to provide him with choices wherever possible so that he feels a sense of control in his little life.

But I still feel like I am failing.

I feel like I just completely missed some lesson of mom training. Like there's something all the other moms know to do or not do that helps their kids to just... deal. I would not describe my kids - either of them - as very "even keel," and that's fine. They're growing up to be passionate people and I hope to help them direct that drive into whatever their goals may be. But at this age I feel, many days, like I'm trying to stop a locomotive. I am exhausted. And I just need someone to tell me - again - that it's just a phase.

And if you could also tell me when it ends that would be great.