The hard parts

I haven't posted here in a bit because I've been busy - really busy - trying not to lose my mind.

I have a little boy, and he is wonderful. Outgoing, funny, sharp. I have not the slightest idea where he gets some of his super endearing personality quirks, but they are what makes him who he is and I absolutely love them, and him. But he is also three. And defiant, unpredictable, and willful. Unfortunately, I know exactly where he gets those traits. He has as hard a time handling setbacks in stride as his daddy and I both do.

I had been told by wiser mothers who had been through this before that the terrible twos all too often have nothing on the threes. But we're on the backside of three and a half and it almost seems to be getting worse instead of better. I have tried to do and be everything that might help him exhibit more appropriate behavior and handle his frustrations more constructively. We give him clear and consistent rules and boundaries. I aim for positive reinforcement, and try to say "yes" more than "no." We give him space to work out his fits when he just needs to scream and shout for awhile. We try to provide him with choices wherever possible so that he feels a sense of control in his little life.

But I still feel like I am failing.

I feel like I just completely missed some lesson of mom training. Like there's something all the other moms know to do or not do that helps their kids to just... deal. I would not describe my kids - either of them - as very "even keel," and that's fine. They're growing up to be passionate people and I hope to help them direct that drive into whatever their goals may be. But at this age I feel, many days, like I'm trying to stop a locomotive. I am exhausted. And I just need someone to tell me - again - that it's just a phase.

And if you could also tell me when it ends that would be great.

Cruisin' Disney Style

Ahhhh, spring break. It actually meant something in our house this year. With our oldest in kindergarten, we decided last year that we would join the family on a spring break 2013 vacation. Actually, we told the family they were joining us. On a Disney cruise. Period. And by family, I mean family plus the extension of our family -- in the form of my sister's and my dear friend, her husband, their just about 5 year old, and her mother.

My husband and I love cruising. We did our share of cruising before kids came along. Then it came to an abrupt halt. Partially because we lacked the energy. But mostly because we refused to pay such crazy prices for small children, babies really, who would never benefit from such a vacation. Then we found ourselves with two potty-trained, school-going kids, and we thought. Yes! Now is the perfect time to introduce them to this world on the water. Let's go!

We booked our cruise aboard the Disney Fantasy some 360 days out. You want to talk about depressing?? Yeah, how in the world was I going to start counting down, start looking forward to a trip 360+ days out?? I mean, we still needed to get through all our birthdays, Easter, summer, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's and Valentine's Day before we would even think about packing for this vacation. Of course, I follow everything Disney on Facebook, including the cruise line, so I had to endure day after day, reading posts about the warm climates, the fun activities, the drinks of the day, and on and on and on. But, amazingly enough, this thing called time (you know, the thing that ages us all without our consent, causes our children to grow and develop into wonderful people, that thing called time??) kept ticking along, and we finally found ourselves on the road (yes, we drove. From Texas to Florida. Crazy, maybe.), every mile getting closer and closer to that ship that was on its way back to port to pick US up. Whew! I thought it would never get here!

And all that anticipation? Was it worth it? Absolutely. Hands down. The cell phones and electronic devices were turned off and we were unplugged from the outside world. The only world we knew for seven days was the world aboard that ship and three magnificent ports along the way.

So, how was our first cruise avec les enfants? It did not disappoint. But then again. It is Disney. And, well, you know how I feel about Disney. In a nutshell, I would most definitely recommend cruising. To anyone and everyone. And, when cruising with kids, I would ALWAYS recommend Disney. Why? Here are my top ten Disney moments from our Disney cruise.

#10: The photos + the family = unforgettable memories. The photographers aboard the ship are great. They are clearly skilled in snapping just the perfect shot when the character(s) is in place, when all of the kids present in the photo are looking at (or towards the camera) and, when all else fails, creating laughter in the silliest of ways (like the one photographer who encouraged my child to say boogers to get him to laugh for the picture). The pictures, of course, are printed beautifully, with all of the Disney creativity, logos, etc., making it very hard to resist dropping $100+ on prints. But hey, memories are priceless, right?? (If you see my husband, mention that to him, OK?)

#9: Our over-sized balcony. Which was huge! I had every intent of "upgrading" our cabin when we checked in for the cruise. To the concierge level. Or hell, a suite, if the price was right. I have to admit, disappointment set in when I was told that there was nothing available. The only cabins still left were ones the same size as ours, but with smaller balconies. OK, OK, fine. We will keep the one we had. The very nice, friendly woman who checked us in said we wouldn't regret it. And she was right! Our balcony was huge! The perfect place for family deck parties before the evening entertainment kicked it. We enjoyed this very special family time, with the perfect backdrop - either water or island.

#8: Pirate Night!! Their themed "Pirates IN the Caribbean" night is definitely not to be missed, although unfortunately, I DID miss the only fireworks display at sea, due to two overly exhausted children, one of whom fell asleep at dinner. I guess I will have to catch those fireworks next time, because, yes, there WILL be a next time, folks. The early evening pirate show had Captain Mickey "fighting" off Captain Jack Sparrow to "reclaim" the ship. It was, of course, well done and highly entertaining. Great photo ops and memories galore.

#7: Castaway Cay. Disney's private island. Um, yeah. Truly a paradise island, not to be missed. And only accessible via Disney. This pristine, Disney-themed island is fun, beautiful and crawling with the likes of Mickey, Minnie, Pluto, Chip and Dale, Donald and the rest of the gang. Paradise, Disney-style? Oh yes! Sign me up!

#6: The activities and the characters. The daily activities and the character appearances are phenomenal. And of course, you only get that with Disney. Mickey isn't appearing on any other cruise line. Our daughter chose, as one of her purchases, one of those Disney characters autograph books. She ran around that ship in search of as many characters as possible to sign her book, growing more and more excited with each signature and photo with them. The activities for both adults and children are just as phenomenal. I was sad to have missed a few of their cooking demos for adults -- tired, cranky kiddos had me monitoring nap time a few days. I was also sad to have missed some of the family activities (like family game shows and dance parties) that were probably a bit above the head of a three year old. We will save those for the next cruise! But I did hear that they were all great, enjoyable fun. We did have the chance to participate in all of the deck parties, including the sail-away party and the Disney Channel Stars party, both of which had the utmost, undivided attention of my children -- wide-eyed, mouths open sort of attention.

#5: The staff. In traveling with some of the other cruise lines, we did encounter some great staff members. However, we never encountered a staff member who actually read books to our son to keep him occupied and entertained while his sister ate breakfast. But Latoya did. She read him two books. And he sat there and listened. Attentively. We also had the great fortune of one of the youth activities crew members locating our lost (yep, I lost it! My fault!) file folder, which had our travel documents and nearly $1000 in Disney gift cards in it. She found it and returned it. Everything still intact. Our dinner servers performed magic every night for the six kids in our party. There were others. Many others who made our trip enjoyable. In short, they were all an integral part of the magic of our vacation.

#4: Animator's Palate. Disney does rotational dining, which is such a creative idea. There are three dining rooms, all themed, and you rotate your dinners each night. Our first night was in Royal Court, second night in Animator's Palate, third in Enchanted Garden. Repeat. Animator's Palate is Disney defined. In this dining room, the characters from Finding Nemo come to life, hosted by Crush (the turtle). During dinner on our first night, Crush, through the television screens, held a conversation with our daughter. He asked her name, where she was from, etc. And then repeated her answers! This was not some crew member dressed up as Crush. Crush was appearing before us on the TV. Talking to our daughter! She was beyond amazed! On our second night in the dining room, we were given place mats to draw -- create our own character. Adults and children! Later in the evening, they collected the drawings and brought them to life on the screens. Our characters became animated! The smiles on the kids' faces, the sparkle in their eyes. Again, sooooo worth it! This dining room was definitely the favorite of our entire party!

#3: The Mickey Pool. An odd one to make it to the list? And at number three?? Not when you insert my three and a half year old son. Who swam in that pool every day. This pool has a maximum depth of two feet and is shaped like Mickey Mouse himself. His confidence in his swimming grew with each passing day, thus bringing joy to him and to his parents, as we watched this little guy have the time of his life. This is where, as his swim teacher agreed, he found his breath. He put two and two together from his lessons and figured out the whole swimming and breathing thing. With Mickey there as his witness.

#2: The Broadway-style musical shows. Leave it to Disney to take songs from their animated flicks and recycle them for use in original story-line musical sensations, unique to their cruises. Five out of seven nights, we were entertained by, hands-down, the best singers and dancers on the seven seas. Disney even created an Aladdin mini-musical at sea! Nothing short of magical, Disney-style.

#1: The Princesses. The memories my daughter walks away with after meeting and talking to each of the princesses is, again, priceless. They engaged her in conversations. They hugged her. They created a magical sparkle in her eyes that reappears every time she talks about her spring break. And that, folks, is truly what it is all about.

Vacationing with kids, especially younger ones, is very different -- it takes on a whole new meaning. Maybe I'm just corny, but my eyes got all watery when I saw them having the trip of a lifetime. Yes, the adults had a fantastic time -- I did not want to get off that ship!! But seeing the magical time the kids were having -- well, that truly was priceless. And worth the 360+ days of waiting. Painfully waiting for our magical journey across the ocean.

Who the Hell Are YOU?

We were tagged! So, I will take a first stab at this!

My favorite sister-in-law tagged me in a “Who the Hell Are You” post which is essentially a fun game that helps us get to know one another. Task at hand? Answer 25 questions, then tag people. Here's the deal: If you are tagged, then you must play! 

1.  Where were you born? Canton, Ohio

2.  Were you named after someone?  Apparently, my mother was pretty homesick -- having moved from her home state just prior to my fabulous arrival into this world. So she named me after her college. Yeah, not the saint, per se. But the college. Nice.

3. How many children do you have?  More than enough! OK, 2. But still.

4. How many pets do you have?  1 dog. We had three. Labs. They took up more space in the house than the humans. We loved the two we lost. We miss them dearly. Instead of tripping over them, I'm tripping over toys. Toys hurt. Dogs are soft. The one Lab we have now is dumb. But sweet. But dumb.

5. Your worst injury.  Broken wrist. The break didn't actually hurt that much, but my pride did. Years ago. Absolute first time ever on roller blades. Never made it out of the driveway. Yeah, two seconds with those suckers on and bam! Broken wrist. I'm graceful.

6.  Do you have a special talent?  I use to play piano and clarinet. Not sure how much of that talent is still with me!

7.  Favorite thing to bake.  Cookies! Every year for Christmas. Family tradition since forever. And now I get to pass it along to my kids. 

8. Favorite Fast Food.  Notta. Nothing. In fact, up until last year, I could tolerate Sonic. But, while on the road, we had a horrible experience at one, and I have not eaten it since. Blech!

9.   Would you bungee jump? No. Absolutely not. Never.

10.  What is the first thing you notice about people?  Their behavior.

11.  When was the last time you cried?  Does laughing until you cry count? That would be last night. My son is out of control funny. Frustrating to no end. But truly hysterical. We are in for it. Real tears of sorrow? When we had to put our dog down. But I cry at just about any sad TV show or movies these days. Never used to...another drastic life change since having kids.

12.  Any current worries.  Safety and security. But I won't get into the reasons. No need to turn this into anything political. But I do worry about the safety and security of my family. Daily.

13.  Name 3 drinks you drink regularly.  Coffee, Diet Coke and Crystal Light.

14.  What’s your favorite book?  OK, to sound somewhat intelligent, I will say In Cold Blood, by Truman Capote. Actually read that book three times. But I love a good murder/mystery fiction novel any day. If only I had time to read.

15.  Would you like to be a pirate?  No. 

16.  Favorite Smells.  Candles that make my house smell like I'm baking the most fabulous sweets.

17.  Why do you blog?  I dragged my feet into it. Over the last few years, I have taken on the professional role of social media guru for my firm. Comes with the territory. I like blogging, but I'm not a writer by trade, so it is often a rough road for me.

18. What song do you want played at your funeral? Y'all will think I'm crazy, but Brad Paisley's When I Get Where I'm Going.

19.  What is your least favorite thing about yourself?  I'm impatient. Which often leads to frustrating my entire family. I hate that about myself. I also cannot relax until EVERYTHING is done. The last piece of laundry folded. The dishes done. You get the idea.

20.  Favorite hobby.  Reading. When I get the chance.  

21.  Name something you have done, you never thought you would do. Live in Texas. Seriously. Who grows up, outside of Texas, saying, "When I grow up, I want to live in Texas."???

22.  What do you look for in a friend?  Everything that a good friend should be.

23.  Favorite Fun things to do?  Outdoorsy stuff. With my family. And traveling. I love to travel.

24.  Pet peeves.  Mean people. Bad drivers. Rude people. And poor grammar.

25.  What's the last thing that made you laugh? My son. I tried bribing him with ice cream. He told me he wasn't hungry. 

Okay Now for the Hard Part – Tagging Others! I'm new to this world, so my list is tiny.

Frisco Mommies (Not a blogger, but a fabulous friend! She can do this on Facebook!)

City Girl Country Roots

Keeping up with appearances part 2: To Share or Not to Share

We've all heard it. The various "classifications" of Facebook users. What type are you? Do you share everything? Nothing? Or somewhere along the spectrum in between? Where do you draw the line? Do you have any privacy concerns? Security concerns?

When I started on Facebook, I was one of those SHARE EVERYTHING types. I had at least one status update a day. I posted every picture I ever took of my kids. I shared what they said, what they did, when they breathed, when they slept, when they were sick, when they were healthy, when they frustrated me, when they were cute. Oh it was fun! I was hooked! I LOVED IT!

Then, like it always does, life got in the way. Or maybe I grew less interested. Or maybe I realized that my kids were really just like every other kid in the world. Or maybe it was a combination of all of those plus my heightened concern over security and privacy. So, I slowed down quite a bit. I post a few pictures of my kids here and there. Days will go by without a status update. Sometimes I find myself wanting to post something to Facebook, even starting to, then I quickly delete, concerned over where that information is truly going.

I live in the world of social media daily. I monitor trends, conversations, mentions, you name it. I recognize that the Internet is forever - just because you think you deleted something does NOT mean it truly was deleted. I see the quicker-than-instant way social media blows up when a company or person does or says something controversial. In those moments, the reach of social media, of the Internet, hits me hard. And in many ways it scares me, and I again find myself looking for the manual!

I'm a few years away from my kids going social - so I have plenty of time to prepare myself for that (although I am sure there will be some new, crazy form of social out there by then!). But the question I put out to you all (join the conversation - post to our Facebook page!) is this: How much do you share over social media? And do you have privacy/security concerns when it comes to sharing information and photos of your kids? Do you place faith and trust in Facebook's, Twitter's or any other social platform's privacy settings?

Keeping up appearances

I want to know how you all feel about another uber-popular social networking site. When I first joined, it seemed an incredible platform to use for storing all of the projects, ideas, dreams I hoped to get to in the future. Instead of putting clippings on an actual corkboard or stuffing a binder full of torn-out magazine pages, here was this blank slate of opportunity, waiting for me to adorn with pictures of beautiful food, gorgeous clothes, immaculately decorated houses. Yes, I'm talking about Pinterest.

My own Pinterest heyday was shortly after my daughter was born. I mostly pinned in the wee hours, while nursing, to occupy the time and not fall asleep at an awkward angle in the rocking chair (again). I easily created several boards and pinned all these amazing ideas very quickly.

Then the guilt and doubt set in. When am I actually going to find the time to do any of these things? Why am I pinning all these adorable sewing projects when I haven't even figured out how to thread my machine? My house sure doesn't look like any of these pictures. Are my kids going to totally resent me if they don't have amazingly detailed theme birthday parties every year? And I'm going to need to pin at least five more workouts just to balance out even looking at all these ridiculously incredible desserts.

Eventually, as with motherhood, I had to step back and say (forgive me), I'm not pinterested in perfection. I may never learn to sew. I doubt that I'm cut out for homeschooling. And I still can't for the life of me fold a fitted sheet. But having the ideas there at my fingertips makes them at least more possible. (Thus the "pinspiration" concept. So many bad puns!) I can benefit from the expertise of others and the talents that they share, take and use ideas where applicable and leave the ones that I just can't fit in around the things that really do matter to me. I don't have to do it all, all at once.

Am I totally alone in this? Does anyone else struggle with Pinterest this way, or do you take a more moderate approach? Do you actually "do" your pins, or just file them away as good ideas?

Where is the manual???

By now, we have all heard of the mother who made her son sign a contract in order to have the privilege of using an iPhone. Her son is 13. I absolutely love this idea. The points in this contract are so obvious, so duh, if you will. But spelling it out and making him sign it -- just brilliant. Kudos, mom! My problem, or maybe it is more appropriate to "what freaks me out", is not the rules by which we will make our children abide once they become proud borrowers of a cell phone which we purchase and lend to them. No, oh no. What freaks me out is at what age do we make them those proud borrowers??

I remember when our daughter was born. That first moment in the hospital room, when the nurses all leave us alone. It was just mom, dad and baby. Just hanging out. Staring at each other. I remember thinking, OK. What now? Where's that manual that outlines, minute by minute, my baby's first hours. Her first days. I NEED THE MANUAL!

And then, we brought her home and we realized hey! We will just wing it as all parents before us did, and as all parents after us will. Wing it! Yeah, score parental points right of the bat for winging it!

And then this whole smartphone, text messaging, social media, app ridiculousness set in and I find myself, once again, crying out for the manual. I don't want to hear "you'll know when they are mature enough to handle the responsibilities that come along with a cell phone." Or "each child is different. Use your parental compass. It will guide you." In the immortal words of my 3 year old: no, no, no, no, NO! My parental compass wants an answer. It wants a manual.

For some reason, this is the parental decision that wears on my mind...and my kids are nowhere near an appropriate age. Gone are the days when you could use a pay phone if you needed to call mom or dad. Or you just waited for them to pick you up...if they were late, they were late. You dealt with it. Unfortunately, in our world today, things just are not that simple. So, we will be forced to make that decision in a few years. At what age do we give them that freedom, that privilege? And to what extent? The most basic of phones so they can call and text, but none of this Facebooking or tweeting or surfing or downloading? An iPhone with a  parent/child contract? (Have I mentioned how much I love that contract idea??)

I think I have the whole "kid, here are the rules that go along with your new phone" thing down. Thanks to Mom there who paved the way with her contract! I still want the manual for age, though...and a manual for a whole bunch of other parenting decisions. As my sister-in-law put it this morning, "ever just sit back and wonder 'what if I'm doing this whole mom thing all wrong?'" At least I'm not alone in my feelings!

Paging Dr. Mom

One of the primary reasons I have for tapping into the social media world, which I see as possibly its most beneficial function, is seeking out advice from other moms. It is as true as it ever was, I believe, that it takes a village to raise a child, although that village may span the globe rather than consisting of the multi-generational households immediately closest to me. Many if not most of us in modern America live far from the villages and families of our youth. Our own mothers are not a few huts away when we need guidance. And so we turn to technology to serve needs unmet by proximity.

In this season of the epic flu, my 15-month-old has been sick for several weeks. She's got the typical cough, cold, and intermittent low-grade fever, but presumably due to all the mucus (holy phlegmoly, so much mucus), she's also been throwing up on a disturbingly regular basis. Which is the most fun.

The pukes began very unexpectedly and publicly - at church, in the midst of an adult Sunday school class (oddly and grossly enough, that makes my kids two for two in pulling that trick in the exact same circumstances). As social etiquette would dictate, I posted an apology on Facebook for everyone who witnessed the unfortunate event. It garnered 20 comments, which is way more than even my most witty thoughts typically elicit. Turns out, everyone has a puke story.

Thus began a week of hemming and hawing about taking her to the doctor before the sheer volume of vomit forced me to make the call. Our doctor's office does not "do" walk-in appointments or sick-kid hours and my insurance doesn't cover urgent care other than the ER (my total and utter dissatisfaction with that whole situation is a post for another time… maybe. Probably not.) And so we were squeezed in to see what I thought was going to be a pediatrician, but turned out to be a physician's assistant who gave us some nasal saline drops and a bulb syringe and bid us good day. Time well spent.

So where can we go when the experts leave us hanging - or our kids aren't quite sick enough to warrant a doctor's visit, or we're struggling with making that judgment call? Where else? To the village! Yes, Google and WebMD are all well and good for many questions, especially when it's a matter of self-diagnosis, but when it's my children's health I really seek comfort from the voices of people I know, whose parenting instincts have proven sound. Maybe I can't remember how high or long-lasting a fever needs to be before really worrying. Or I don't know what to look for as symptoms of an ear infection. Or I can't manage to get a doctor's opinion or prescription to try children's Mucinex, but if I can find a critical mass of support online, it's going to balance out the warnings on the label that I not give it to my child under 4. Maybe I've been up every hour for a couple nights straight and all I really need is a little commiseration.

Does this render our kids' pediatricians irrelevant? The answer's not yes, but it's not necessarily no. Having access to reassurances, words of warning, and several experience-informed opinions at the very least gives the mother of a sick child more resources than she might have while waiting for daylight in an overbooked doctor's schedule. I certainly hope we're all wise enough to recognize a true emergency, and not waste time scrolling through mommy message boards when we need to be dialing 911. (Side note: The American Red Cross and American Heart Association have great, simple mobile apps available for helping, heaven forbid, should we need to respond to those types of situations. My dad put me on to those. Go Dad!) But for all of the many ailments of lesser urgency, turning to our peers online gives us not only the near-guarantee of a quick reply, but also an added dose of perspective from those who have been there, whose response to routine illness is likely less clouded by emotions and sleep deprivation than our own.

It's just one way in which the community of moms empowers each other. We may not be as readily available to one another, in terms of physical presence, as prior generations. But our village is still intact. And during a trying flu season, it's been the only remedy that never fails to make me feel better.