Everyone Has a Story

On June 1, 2010, I lost my faithful companion of 11 1/2 years to cancer. Of course it was painful. I cried for hours. Days. And even now, more than two years later, I think of her and my eyes still swell up with tears. I left the vet's office that morning, after saying good-bye, and I drove myself to work. The road was blurry through my water-drenched eyes, but I made it downtown. I went into my office and closed the door, where I cried a bit more.

Sure that day, and the days to come were painful. Fond memories and pictures flooded my mind. Losing a pet is not easy. But for me, for my family, this was the final piece of a year that had been anything but easy. It started on June 30, 2009, when our son was born. With a club foot. It went down from there, when he was diagnosed with craniosynostosis and whisked into major head surgery when he was just nine months old (he is doing great today!). It was followed by us losing my husband's dog. And it ended with Kelsey being diagnosed with cancer and us slowly watching the disease take her from us.

Two things happened on the day we put Kelsey down. The first was an outpouring of support and sympathy over Facebook. People I had not spoken to or seen in years. And one very nice lady that I really do not know, nor have I not met her, but came to know her through a friend on Facebook. It was amazing and heartwarming. And it actually lifted my spirit. Because what they did not know was that on that June 1 day, my tears were not just for Kelsey. They were for a stressful (beyond belief) year where, as a mother, I had no choice but to plow through for the sake and well-being of our son. My body saved the tears for a later day.

The other thing that happened that June day was that I seemed to be the one everyone else was turning to -- to listen to their gripes about how someone at work made them angry or how their spouse ticked them off. Or I had to listen to stories of "dilemmas" on where to have their kid's birthday party or which new car they should buy. And this was the one that tripped me up. I had one person knock on my closed door (closed because the tears were still coming) asking me if I could donate to a charity that was near and dear to her. I felt so guilty, but that was the one thing that broke me. I held back, and I simply told her I just could not at this time.

I walked away from that June day having learned two valuable lessons. The first is that we are all human, and kind words go a very, very, very long way. It does not matter if those kind words are over Facebook or other social platforms. Or if they are in person. Or via a card in the mail. Everyone needs to hear kind words every now and then -- so I promised never to get too wrapped up in my life that I forget that.

The other lesson I learned was that everyone has a story. It is true. Everyone has a story. It is not up to us to judge if that story is "valid". If that story measures up to our own. Everyone has as story. Accept it and move on. BUT the lesson I truly walked away with was that we can learn from each other's stories, if we have enough space in our hearts. On that June day, I didn't really want to hear anyone else's story. I had too much pain of my own that day -- I did not have any strength left to carry anyone else's. But I tried. And I listened. So, the second promise I made was to be mindful of this in the future.

Our stories define us - for better or worse. I guess the hope is they make us stronger and better people. That might not always be the case, but I sure strive for that every day. I share with you here two organizations that  mean the world to me these days. If you are interested in learning more about club feet and other pediatric orthopedic conditions, you may do so here via Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Children. This is my son's hospital, where his doctors and physical therapists corrected his foot so well, unless you know what to look for, you will never know. I recently read an article about a current University of Arkansas cheerleader who is a patient at TX Scottish Rite Hospital for Children. She is an inspiration, and her story reminds me of how much I love this hospital.

The other is the Children's Craniofacial Association. While our son's craniosynostosis was very mild compared to other children, I still find this association inspirational. They are really working hard to prove that beyond the face is truly a heart.

Social plays a big role in people's lives. I love what these types of organizations are doing over Facebook, Twitter and other platforms. I absolutely love it. It brings families together -- families who are going through similar situations who may have otherwise not found each other. It gives us chance to hear those kind words. And to realize that we are not alone in this great big world.

Please, please share your story that defines you and/or your family. I realize now I have enough room in my heart to learn more J

App Addiction?

I'm just going to say it. I think my three year old is addicted to the iPad. Yes, I do believe he is. Every day, I hear "Mommy, can I play on the iPad?" On days when the answer is no, you can pretty much bet on some tears. And on days when the answer is yes, expect many, many, many, crocodile tears if it is taken away or if he is told to turn it off, and, I don't know, come to dinner or something. Yes, in my book, this classifies as an addiction.

So we are undergoing detox.

Which, as you can probably guess, is not easy with a three year old.

"Mommy, can I play on the iPad?" No, not today. Not tomorrow. Not for a very long time, my sweet, adorable child. Go play with  your "real" toys. You know, those trains. Or those cars. Or those dinosaurs. Or heck, go bug your sister. Anything. But no playing on the iPad. No matter how much I want to say yes, just so I don't have to see any tears. The answer is no.

In the olden days, it was the TV. The constant debate was how much time is too much in front of the TV. More recently, it was straight up video games. Now, we are faced with the parenting decision of, first, yes or no to the iPad (or other tablets), games on your phone, etc., and, second, how much time is too much. The nice thing about the olden days was that the TV was stuck in your house. You could physically leave your house, or just force the kids outside, and the TV was not an issue. Those tablets and phones? Yeah, that great thing about them being portable, all of a sudden is not so great anymore.

I hear parents say things like "I only let my children play with educational apps." Or "I only let my kid play when we are running errands." And my favorite is "We only let our kids play on the tablets or our phones when we go out to dinner." Really? At the dinner table (because, I don't know about you, but to me, the dinner table is the dinner table, regardless of where that table happens to be)? I think my three year old's app addiction is a syndrome (for adults and children alike!) that is here to stay.

Studies and articles are out there now, addressing things like Smartphone addition. If there is a spectrum of addiction, I probably fall in the middle. When I am awake, outside of family time like meals, I do check emails, texts, etc. quite regularly. But nothing, and I mean nothing, interrupts sleep time -- mine OR the kids. In fact, I silence all things on my phone every night. But I think there is definitely something to this addiction thing. And I may joke about my three year old, but there is a small voice inside of  me that warns not to let his iPad time get out of hand.That same voice that warned our parents not to let us watch too much TV.

So, the detox will continue. And his time playing with his trains and cars, and yes, even his time bugging his sister, will continue and grow.

Plus, Mommy needs iPad time, too! After all, it is MY iPad!!

Share your thoughts on how you handle "app time" in your house. Is it allowed? Limited? What apps do you have for your children (our favorites right now (or prior to detox) are Shoe the Goose -- specifically Cake Doodle and Cookie Doodle)? Do you have a set time during the day when you will allow for "app time"? (We will save the discussion on at what age do you get your child their own Smartphone for another post!)

(Between the time I started drafting this post and when I published, I am happy to report detox is going very well. I do think he has forgotten about the iPad.)

Education by Social Media?

My daughter started kindergarten last week. She is the first of my two to enter kindergarten (We won't go into details on the tears, the separation anxiety, the emptiness in the stomach -- all on the part of mom! She never looked back!). Both of my kids went through a private, education daycare/school, so learning in a classroom setting is not new to her. And while the preschool used social media, for some reason, the public schools' use of social media and digital communications is astounding to me! Good grief! How times have changed!

Teachers communicate by email. The school communicates by email. PTA communicates by email. Everyone has a website. Teachers have blogs. And, this is the one that really amazes me, school districts use Facebook! Now, I know those of you out there with older kids are saying, yeah? So? You have been in this era of education via social media for a few years now. For me, it is strangely an adjustment. Let's just think back...

How did we survive growing up in an age without even, gasp, computers? Y'all remember the first computers, right? Weren't they just used for playing Pac-Man? Or Centipede? Or Frogger? We were just excited when our Atari was finally connected to a color TV! Teachers and parents connected via parent teacher conferences or paper notes back and forth. There was no email. There was certainly no social media platforms! And remember when, on those snowy mornings, you would listen to that AM radio station to see if your school was closed for the day? Now you just check Facebook. And maybe turn on the TV. But that is really just to see the weather report. Oh wait. You probably have The Weather Channel's app. You don't need your TV at all!

Social media has changed our world - the world of parenting. I think it is both great, and scary, that there are now all of these ways to communicate with my daughter's school district, school and teacher. I hope that, while these new avenues are exciting, convenient and helpful, I never lose sight of the fact that face-to-face encounters will always be the best way to learn about what my daughter is doing at school.

Being a new social media specialist, I, of course, cannot help but believe I could help many of these schools develop a solid, interactive (and active!) and fun social media presence. Of course I could! J

Check out what some schools are doing on social media. If your child's school has a presence, share your thoughts on what is working best and how you depend on their social media activity.  If they do not have an active presence, perhaps they would be open to the suggestion. After all, "everyone is on Facebook, Mom!"

School districts:

https://www.facebook.com/northcantoncityschools

https://www.facebook.com/friscoisd

https://www.facebook.com/allenisd

https://www.facebook.com/LivoniaPublicSchools

PTA's using social media (great idea!)

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Corbell-Elementary-PTA/208159142288

Parents forming groups on Facebook: 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/138304562920138/